Insecure*adjective
in·se·cure | \ ˌin-si-ˈkyu̇r
1: not confident or sure (uncertain)
2: not adequately guarded or sustained (unsafe)
3: not firmly fastened or fixed (shaky)
4: not highly stable or well-adjusted
5: deficient in assurance
I want to pre-face this post by saying that we are all insecure at some point in our life, or about something in ourselves. So I’d like to be very specific about what I call an insecure boss. My definition of an insecure boss is a boss whose insecurity negatively impacts on their work and their ability to lead effectively.
The first step in dealing with an insecure boss is to identify the insecure boss. It can be tricky because the responsibilities of their rank may mask their insecurity(ies). But bosses are human. They make mistakes, they don’t have all the answers. They have strengths, and they have weaknesses. It may be silly to admit but before that realisation, to me, bosses were THE boss. In my mind, bosses knew how to do everything, they were smarter than me, more confident than me, more knowledgeable than me. However, with time, I realised that many bosses are experts in masking their insecurities and pushing through which may be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on where you fit in the picture.
How can you identify an insecure boss?
They are uncertain.They don’t exude confidence. They respond but not answer (see previous post). They may suffer from the impostor syndrome and don’t feel asserted in their role.
They go into self-protection mode. They become guarded. They feel unsafe. Their position is in jeopardy and they are not no sure how to keep it safe. They have a ton of pressure from all sides and you know that their time is counted. They don’t trust anyone.
They go into panic mode.They don’t give a clear vision. They change their minds often and do not follow the strategy.
They don’t take responsibility for their team.In my opinion, this is one of the worst traits of an insecure boss. It is also a trait of incompetent bosses. They would bask in the glory of having their team delivering results, while deflecting responsibility onto their subordinates in tough times.
How can you deal with it?
Dealing with an insecure boss is not easy. There is often complexity related to your company culture, your own position and role in the company, and the level of power that your boss has. Below are my recommendations on what to do when dealing with an insecure boss.
Help your boss.It may seem counter-intuitive, but I have found that helping your boss is the best way to diffuse the situation. The issue is how their insecurity cripples their ability to lead, then help them feel secure. Help them be a better leader. It may not make sense to you now, but trust me, it can make your life easier. Of course, it is not your job to do your boss’ job for them, it is however absolutely part of your job to make life easy for them. If you have been able to identify some of the things that trigger your boss’ insecurity, I suggest that helping eliminate or soften those triggers may help. For example, one of my previous bosses was very insecure about providing business updates to upper management. The main reason was that we worked in a highly technical industry which was not his expertise. While preparing his reports, he used to always ask a ton of questions which I felt were annoying and redundant because instead of being straight in saying he didn’t understand, he would just go around and around the topic. Once I decided to provide my contribution to the report in Layman’s terms, there was less back-and-forth. My boss felt like he understood better, I felt more at peace. It’s only an example, but I am sure that there are things that you could do to help your boss, and ultimately help yourself.
Learn how to manage yourself.You are evidently not getting guidance from your boss. So, be pro-active, go ahead and manage yourself. Don’t expect to be managed, but also don’t expect to be recognised for it. That is why you have to be smart in doing it by leaving a written trail of your initiatives and what you are delivering. It doesn’t have to be pompous, but a simple “just keeping you updated with projectabc…. I have done xyz”. Leaving a record will be useful when comes the time to show that basically you have been self-sufficient and are now ready to step-up.
Don’t show off.If you are a very secure person and you are rocking your role, that’s good on you but refrain from showing off to the boss. An insecure boss will not take well to this and it will only exacerbate their behaviour towards your colleagues and you. It is not a smart move. I know, because I have done it!… many times. If I felt that my boss was not up to the task, I would try to step up and sometimes show off. My ideas may have been great. I may have been correct about something. But it always backfired. Mainly because, well, I was not the boss. It was not my place.
Change department. If you have already tried to manage the situation but have been unsuccessful, I would suggest reducing your dealings with your boss. How? Ask to change department, or work with a different team. This may or may not be realistic depending again of where you work and the office dynamics.
Quit. This is very radical step but I have seen extreme cases where a boss’ insecurity made for a nightmarish/bullyish work environment. If the situation is unmanageable for you and you feel that you have hit a wall, it may be wise to start searching for other opportunities. But remember the grass is not always greener on the other side. You know what you leave, you don’t know what you will win.
Ok, so I went from 0 to 100 real quick – i.e. from helping your boss to quitting – but I hope you could understand the nuances in my advice. Share your experience with the Nine to 5 community! Leave a comment x
*from the Merriam-Webster dictionary.